Country Roads Take Me Home

We all have memories we cherish from our childhood.  Maybe it's hopscotch on the sidewalk, or swimming in the pond out back.  Maybe it's video games at your friend's house, or bowling every weekend.  Whatever it is we recall, we replay those times in our brains with a smile, and fondly recall our happiness in those moments.

I'm having one of those days where I over-think everything- where I turn thoughts round and round in my mind, questioning everything and anything.  I've been in a country mood- listening to a lot of country music, and of course it gave me more material to roll through my pensive brain.

I've been thinking long and hard about my childhood, today.  I remember a lot of things.  I remember some good things and some good times.  But honestly, what I remember the most is playing alone, and feeling alone.  I remember not understanding why I couldn't get along with kids at school.  I remember feeling left out from the group of kids my age in my Congregation.  I remember my sister telling me how fat I was, and feeling so self-conscious.  I remember going into puberty and learning to hate myself.  I remember never feeling like I had a place in society.

And yet, a few choice memories stand out to me.  Why?  I don't honestly know, but I do know how important to me the memories of visiting my family in Wisconsin are.  It wasn't perfect- I remember not always knowing what to do with myself, not always knowing whether I was going to be grouped in with my older sister or my younger.  But I also remember just feeling so in love with the life there.  I remember how much I adored the smell of the country, the feel of the small town, and the love I felt from my relatives.  No matter how long I live in New York, there will always be a part of my heart left in that small town in Wisconsin.

So today, I'm spending my day planning a trip back to that place- back to those memories, back to that happiness.  I'm planning a trip to remember the things I don't want to forget, and to make new memories.  I'm planning time to be with people I love that I've neglected for too long.

Today, as I listen to my feel-good country music about small towns and bonfires and good times, I plan for happiness.

***Photo Cred Gaia Pazzagli