I think we've all been there- there's that thing we want to do or buy or wear, but we're "juuuuuust nooooot suuuure", so we procrastinate and debate and procrastinate some more, until eventually, we either decide "what the heck, let's try it"; or it gets put on the back burner, and over time, slowly fades away into nothingness. On rare occasion, something smacks my brain in the face one day, yells "wake the heck up", and motivates me to actually commit to the thing previously in question. Today was one of those days.
I'd like to say that I haven't procrastinated on this particular thing for a long time, but truthfully, it's been a very long time- years, in fact. About four months ago, I had decided that I was going to do it- it didn't matter if I didn't have the right equipment, I wanted to do it, so I was going to do it. And then, life got crazy chaotic, and between moving and other personal life changes, I lost my steam to make it happen. During the months since then, I've become that "I'll start next week" person . . .every. single. week.
And then, the unexpected happened (refer to my May fourth post regarding my finances), and suddenly I could actually afford to make it happen the way I wanted.
And so, today, I spent my time building accounts and concepts for a new adventure that I am immensely excited to begin. Yes yes, I've kept you in suspense long enough, I know. I shall explain:
Yep, I'm starting a YouTube channel. As there's a hundred and one reasons people start YouTubing, let me explain my motivation- which is a long story, as it has shifted since my original incentives.
When I first had the dream to make YouTube videos, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I kind of just wanted to make videos and get attention from people. That, of course, is a horrible reason to do anything, and thankfully I matured and my thinking evolved beyond that.
Four months ago, when I decided for a fact that I would become a content creator, my initial intention was to make videos that followed my journey of learning to live a healthier lifestyle. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is, with my difficulty in making small changes, and habit of being all or nothing, it would be really hard to make that happen.
Enter the chaos of my life, and the project being pushed aside.
And then, today, watching one of my favorite YouTubers, it hit me, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
As I've mentioned recently, (refer to my May tenth post), I've grown so much emotionally and mentally in recent times, and that has changed my perspective on so many things. For years I've watched these plus-size women on YouTube confidently strut their stuff, and for so long I wished and ached that I could have their confidence, their self-love, that I could put myself out there like they do.
Now, as time has gone on, I've gained that confidence, I've learned to love myself, and I've grown to appreciate the importance of projecting the confidence onto others- the importance of helping them learn self-acceptance and self-love. I've realized that I want to be someone who inspires others to let go of that same self-deprecating fear that plagued me for so long, and know what it feels like to be free of that. I want to do for others what those YouTubers have done for me- I want to help them see their worth.
And so, I set to work to figure out how to make it all happen. I'm still working on the details, but I've set myself a deadline, and strewn it all over the internet, across the various social media platforms.
Today I realized that I have the ability to contribute to the world in a way that I never could before, and once again Uncle Ben's words ring in my ears. I feel excited and nervous and overwhelmed, but mostly, I feel proud. I am proud of myself for seeing my own potential, and realizing my duty to act on it, for the sake of others.
Today, I make a move to uproot the fear and oppression that society has planted in our minds. Slavery has never truly ended- it only comes in new forms. Today, I stand for the right of every human to be happy with themselves. I stand here today, a free woman, and I am here to set free those now mentally enslaved. Liberation is nigh!
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